Healthy Relationships, Submission, and Sanctification

The third and final installment in a study of "the will of God" in the New Testament

Over the last two months, I’ve been exploring the New Testament passages that specifically mention the will of God. As Christians, we know we should obey all of the Bible. Still, it’s been fascinating to examine the particular activities the apostles make a point of identifying as “God’s will” for believers.

To recap, the apostle Paul describes God’s will to believers in Ephesus as being filled with the Holy Spirit as they sing praise and give thanks to the Lord (Ephesians 5:17-21). We’ll come back to that passage in a moment. Those in Thessalonica were told that God’s will is to rejoice always, give thanks in all things, and pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:16-18). Thanksgiving was the only item mentioned twice on the list, so last month I wrote an entire article on how giving thanks helps us experience more of God’s presence.

There are still three more New Testament commands that are designated as God’s will, which I’ll tackle today:

• Submit to one another (Ephesians 5:21)

• Submit to governing authorities (I Peter 2:13-15)

• Be sanctified and flee sexual immorality (1 Thessalonians 4:3)

The commands in previous articles (prayer, singing, joy) have mainly addressed our worship, whereas today’s topics speak about our relationships with one another.

This is God’s Will: Submit to One Another

Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is. And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart, giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Ephesians 5:17-21

We have already studied this passage, but we did not touch on the last verse, in which Christians are told to be “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Submitting to one another is one of four things described here that happen when one is filled with the Holy Spirit:

1. Sing to one another

2. Sing to God

3. Give thanks to God

4. Submit to one another

The phrase “submitting to one another” here is strange. How does this work? The Greek word Paul uses for “submit” is a military term. It refers to obeying those to whom you are subordinate in rank. But how can we submit to one another? What happens when we have different opinions or agendas? In an army, a private can submit to a general. That is clear. But how do generals submit to one another? The whole idea of mutual submission seems to cancel itself out, erasing the hierarchy. What is Paul getting at?

I believe he is using the language of submission to describe the attitude of humility, love, and servitude that should permeate the Church. Christians should aim to outdo one another in putting others before themselves. We should fight over who pays the bill. We should voluntarily take the worst seat. We should seek the good of others before our own. In the kingdom of God, the last will be first. It’s a race to the bottom. Who can submit the most?

This kind of humble submission requires the power of the Holy Spirit. As He fills us, He humbles us. We become less argumentative, opinionated, and independent. We become more willing to compromise, surrender our preferences, and yield to others. The call to submit to one another was Paul’s way of emphasizing the importance of honoring and serving one another — a “ mutual recognition of each other’s rights and of our obligations to serve them.”¹

The motive for submitting to other believers is clear: “reverence for Christ.” We serve one another with Jesus in our view. We don’t love because the person deserves it. We love because of Christ. We submit to others in the fear of the Lord. We respect and revere Christ in the hearts of our brothers and sisters. Jesus himself is our example of this kind of humble submission. Though He was the King of heaven, he became the servant of all.

It’s important to note that the meaning of “submitting to one another” does not eliminate the reality of hierarchical relationships. While it does “level the playing field” in one sense, it does not contradict the specific biblical instructions to submit to those who are over you. Some of these particular relationships are described in the very next section, where Paul urges wives to submit to husbands, children to submit to parents, and workers to submit to their employers². Other relational dynamics are described throughout the New Testament, such as church members submitting to elders³ and citizens to governing authorities. Christians should humbly serve, love, and honor all their brothers and sisters in Christ (i.e., “submitting to one another”), but we still must obey the leaders in our lives.

This is God’s Will: Submit to Authorities

Be subject for the Lord’s sake to every human institution, whether it be to the emperor as supreme, or to governors as sent by him to punish those who do evil and to praise those who do good. For this is the will of God, that by doing good you should put to silence the ignorance of foolish people. I Peter 2:13-15

Right on cue, the apostle Peter confirms what we were just discussing. One aspect of God’s will for our lives is that we submit to governing authorities.

More broadly, Christians should have a submissive attitude towards all leaders in their lives. The Bible compares the sin of rebellion to witchcraft⁴. We should be wary of a tendency to go against the grain and push back against everything you are told to do. A rebellious heart could indicate that the enemy is at work in your life to derail you from God’s will. While there are times to push back (see below), our general attitude should be to yield to those who are leading us.

This passage tells us to submit to governing authorities “for the Lord’s sake”. He says that leaders in the government are “sent by him [God!]” to punish evil. In other words, by submitting to our government, we are submitting to God — as long as that government is not contradicting Scripture.

This leads us to the concept of delegated authority. The reason God requires us to submit to human authorities is that He himself established those positions. Their power comes from Him. There is a hierarchy, and the Lord is at the top. Governmental leaders, husbands, employers, church elders, and parents are all operating with authority that ultimately belongs to God. Whether they realize it or not, every human leader is a delegate of God himself. He is sharing his sovereign authority with humanity. Thus, whenever we submit to authorities in our lives, we honor God. When we rebel against authority, we rebel against God. Paul makes this point very clear:

Let everyone submit to the governing authorities, since there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are instituted by God. So then, the one who resists the authority is opposing God’s command, and those who oppose it will bring judgment on themselves. Romans 13:1-2

At this point, most people will begin to think of all the scenarios in which it would be inappropriate to submit to authority. Yes, there are exceptions, but they are rarer than we would like. As a general rule, the only time we should not submit to an authority figure in our lives is if their instruction contradicts the instruction from a higher authority.

A few examples:

• A child should obey their teacher at school, but not if the teacher contradicts instructions given by their parents. A parent is a higher authority than a teacher.

• A worker should obey a general manager before a supervisor, as the manager holds a higher rank in the business.

• Christians should abide by the laws of our land, but not if they contradict Scripture. God is a higher authority than our nation’s government.

I am not encouraging rebellion. Refusing to submit to a lower authority is actually still submissive. There are simply times in which we do not obey because we must appeal to a higher authority. And we should always do our best to be respectful, humble, and honoring in our attitude, communication, and approach.

This is God’s Will: Be Sanctified

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality. I Thessalonians 4:3

The final item that is clearly designated as “the will of God” in the New Testament is our sanctification. To be sanctified means to be used for a proper purpose. When God sanctifies something in the Bible, such as the tabernacle or the priests, He sets it apart for a holy use.

The Bible describes Christians as going through a three-part process: justification, sanctification, and glorification. In justification, we were declared righteous before the Father. This one-time event happened when we put our faith in Jesus and were born again. In sanctification, we are being transformed into the character of Christ. This is an ongoing process in the life of the believer. In glorification, we will be made completely holy, be freed from suffering, and receive new bodies after Jesus returns.

The apostle Paul here is discussing our sanctification, which is God’s will for our lives. In the process of sanctification, we are set apart from something (which is not our purpose) and to something (which is our purpose). In Christ, we are sanctified from our sin and consecrated to the Lord. This happens gradually throughout our lives as we walk with the Lord, grow in holiness, and become more like Him.

While all sin leaves us guilty before God, certain sins have greater consequences in this life. It seems that sexual sin is uniquely pernicious in its negative impacts and interference with the process of sanctification. This appears to be why it is highlighted here. Elsewhere, Paul says this is because sexual sin is against your own body, which is a temple of the Holy Spirit, whereas other sins are “outside the body.”

Flee sexual immorality! Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the person who is sexually immoral sins against his own body. Don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought at a price. So glorify God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6:18

Sexual immorality is any sexual activity done outside of the bonds of marriage. The Bible defines marriage as a lifelong covenant between one man and one woman. It is only within that sacred marriage relationship that sexual behavior should take place.

One of the greatest temptations to stray from sanctification is to engage in sexual immorality. If it is God’s will that we grow in purity, righteousness, and holiness, then we must resist it and flee from it, as Paul tells us. We must be willing to metaphorically “gouge out our eye” or “cut off our hand”, as Jesus taught us, to flee from the temptation of lust and adultery. Similar to submission, this resistance to sin requires humility, surrender, and denial of our flesh. It is only through the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit that we can walk in righteousness.

We discover our Christian maturity, or lack thereof, through how we handle the relationships in our lives (submission, purity), not just in our spiritual disciplines (prayer, worship). In many ways, following God’s commands to sing, pray, and rejoice is easier than the commands to cultivate healthy relationships. Yet these are all aspects of God’s will for our lives.

1. Pulpit commentary on Ephesians 5

2. Ephesians 5:22-6:9

3. Hebrews 13:17

4. 1 Samuel 15:23